she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
