You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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