i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize