don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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