he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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