uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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