I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Randomize
