I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I AM VODKA MAN
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
