It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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