I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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