just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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