that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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