I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Randomize
