He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
She made me pour olive oil on her.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
