alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I am naked and annoyed.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
