I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
