My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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