Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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