Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
