make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
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