Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize