Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Just high enough for therapy.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
MIDGETS
????
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize