there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
