so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
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