i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
