FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
