her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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