guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize