And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
