I like my sex mixed with concussions.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
