My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
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