Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
