He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
