Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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