yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
