He disabled his match.com account in front of me
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
