dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
