your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
