the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I pour the whiskey from now on
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
