I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize