My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
