Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
