One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize