Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
