Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
