the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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