Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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