she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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