What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
