11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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