You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
