I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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