i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
