He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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