How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
