You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
