I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
