I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
