Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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