The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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