I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
