just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize