well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
