shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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