Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
that's an acceptable place to lick
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He better not be in your backpack
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
