My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
