fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
