i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize