Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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